Death Doulas

In a comment on one of my posts, DeeSign asked a very good question. Are there death mentors? And the answer is "yes." Well, mostly yes. I'll get to that qualification in a minute.

Several hospices provide support to the dying through doulas. In American society, doulas are commonly thought of as support persons during a birth. But like birth, there is a life force transitioning within a family at end of life - however rather than someone entering the world, someone is leaving the world.

The Hospice of Michigan uses social workers to perform the role of death doula.

Hospices are traditionally very dependent on trained volunteers, many of whom serve as an end-of-life doula. For instance, in NYC, hospitals train “CARE-ing Doula” volunteers to provide comfort and companionship to hospitalized patients and their families, particularly at the end of life. At another site in Manhattan, doctors use the Yiddish word for funeral, "levaya," which means "to accompany" to refer to companions who spend time with the dying to ensure that they do not die alone.

There are even doulas to support families as their pets are at the end-of-life: Thanadoulas for dying pets. Thana is Greek for death; Doula is Greek for servant.

If you live in NYC and would like to become a doula for the elderly, please see this site for Washington Heights' Isabella Geriatric Center. The Shira Ruskay Center in New York City also offers a doula training program.

Hospices exist throughout the country. If you have an interest in end-of-life issues and would be interested in serving a dying person as a doula, please contact your local hospice and inquire about volunteer opportunities. I recommend ensuring that the hospice has a good training program in place before offering to volunteer.

Hopefully more and more hospitals with palliative care programs will consider the value of training end-of-life doulas. At the present time, such a program does not exist at my hospital. But as I get more and more involved in the palliative care program there, I will definitely become a stronger advocate for this resource for people who are dying. I am seeing more and more cases where patients simply want someone to sit by their bed and hold their hand. Unfortunately, in a busy hospital setting, nurses are only able to spend so much time providing this type of support.

I want to add one more note with regards to the term "mentor," however. None of us has died before. Some people may have had near death experiences and been brought back. But if you are still alive, you have not truly died in the full sense of that word and that experience. We have learned an abundance from people who have had near death experiences, so I don't mean to devalue that insight when I say that. My point instead is that no one living can honestly be a "mentor" in the traditional sense of that word. I think that is why "doula" is so often used instead. We can try to empathize with the dying and accompany them on their journey through the process of dying as best as we can. But in so many senses, it is the dying whom are teaching us. My mentors are largely my patients.