JennyNYC and I have been working on a poetry project. We have been writing one another a poem every day for 100 days now. I think part of my silence on this blog has been due to this new creative writing outlet. But I thought I'd share the poem I wrote last night. It's not my best piece of writing, but the subject certainly seems pertinent to this blog.
"Don't leave me,"
he nearly begged
in fear
as he reached out his hand to me.
His frail body was failing him.
His wife at his bedside
spoke the feeling
they both shared.
"I was scared."
She says the words
with her back to me
as she walks away from the bedside.
I massage his feet
to calm his nerves
and he falls right to sleep.
Two nights later,
I return to work,
looking forward to seeing him again.
Having bonded over the
touch of his hand in mine.
Having felt a connection
in his need for my companionship.
As I walk onto the floor,
my heart sinks.
His room is vacant.
The note on the clipboard reads,
"Transfer/DC to:
expired."
Monday, July 31, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Thank you, Advance for Nurses!
Just a quick thank you to Terri Polick for including me in her recent article on nurse bloggers in Advance for Nurses.
Monday, July 24, 2006
from The Mystic Odes of Rumi via the 5th Season of Six Feet Under
Our death is our wedding with eternity.
What is the secret? "God is One."
The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;
It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.
Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.
Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.
It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.
But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?
Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don't call all these lights "the Light of God";
It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.
...Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.
What is the secret? "God is One."
The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;
It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.
Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.
Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.
It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.
But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?
Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don't call all these lights "the Light of God";
It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.
...Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Symptomatology: Itching
For a list of symptoms I have reviewed in previous posts, please go to this symptomatology of dying link.
The next symptom I will address is itching (also known as pruritis). There are a number of reasons people who are at the end of life may experience itching. Some of the most common causes include:
-side effect of opioids
-uremic itching secondary to kidney failure
-jaundice secondary to liver failure and/or biliary disease
If the itching is presumed to be from opioids, then switching to a different opioid may be effective.
Uremic itching is more difficult to treat. The exact physiology of the itching is as of yet poorly understood. Therefore treatment approaches may move forward through trial and error.
Some of the medications that may be trialed for uremic itching and for itching related to liver failure include topical products such as:
-hydrocortisone cream - this antiinflammatory is very mild. If it's not effective, stronger steroids such as betamethasone 0.10% 15 grams twice per day may be used. However keep in mind that the stronger steroid puts the skin integrity at higher risk of breakdown.
-Lidocaine ointment 5% which numbs the surface of the skin.
-Sarna lotion, which is Camphor 0.5% and Menthol 0.5%, cools and moisturizes the skin and may help with mild itching.
Some oral medications that may be trialed include:
-Atarax (25 to 100 mg four times per day) is an antihistamine used to treat anxiety as well as for itching. It is primarily used for itching due to allergic reactions, but may be helpful with other types of itching.
-Benadryl, like Atarax, is best for allergic itching, but may be trialed as a supplement to other modes of treating pruritis. Antihistamines also make you sleepy. Some patients may report some relief if they are able to sleep through the itching.
-Questran (aka cholestyramine) is prescribed specifically for itching related to liver failure. It binds to bile acids in the intestine. This prevents their absorption, and the cholestyramine/bile acid complexes are eliminated in the stool.
Ursodiol (300mg twice per day)is a bile acid used to dissolve gallstones. Because it dissolves gallstones, it is suggested that it may also help with itching, but the effect is minimal.
-Doxepin (25mg daily) is an antidepressant/anxiolytic medication that has been used for pruritis. One of the side effects of the medication is peripheral neuropathy, which may be why it's been tried for this use.
Small studies have suggestd acupuncture may be effective in treating uremic itching in patients with chronic renal failure. Whether or not this may extend to patients at the end of life has not been studied.
See this link for more information on over-the-counter products for itching.
The next symptom I will address is itching (also known as pruritis). There are a number of reasons people who are at the end of life may experience itching. Some of the most common causes include:
-side effect of opioids
-uremic itching secondary to kidney failure
-jaundice secondary to liver failure and/or biliary disease
If the itching is presumed to be from opioids, then switching to a different opioid may be effective.
Uremic itching is more difficult to treat. The exact physiology of the itching is as of yet poorly understood. Therefore treatment approaches may move forward through trial and error.
Some of the medications that may be trialed for uremic itching and for itching related to liver failure include topical products such as:
-hydrocortisone cream - this antiinflammatory is very mild. If it's not effective, stronger steroids such as betamethasone 0.10% 15 grams twice per day may be used. However keep in mind that the stronger steroid puts the skin integrity at higher risk of breakdown.
-Lidocaine ointment 5% which numbs the surface of the skin.
-Sarna lotion, which is Camphor 0.5% and Menthol 0.5%, cools and moisturizes the skin and may help with mild itching.
Some oral medications that may be trialed include:
-Atarax (25 to 100 mg four times per day) is an antihistamine used to treat anxiety as well as for itching. It is primarily used for itching due to allergic reactions, but may be helpful with other types of itching.
-Benadryl, like Atarax, is best for allergic itching, but may be trialed as a supplement to other modes of treating pruritis. Antihistamines also make you sleepy. Some patients may report some relief if they are able to sleep through the itching.
-Questran (aka cholestyramine) is prescribed specifically for itching related to liver failure. It binds to bile acids in the intestine. This prevents their absorption, and the cholestyramine/bile acid complexes are eliminated in the stool.
Ursodiol (300mg twice per day)is a bile acid used to dissolve gallstones. Because it dissolves gallstones, it is suggested that it may also help with itching, but the effect is minimal.
-Doxepin (25mg daily) is an antidepressant/anxiolytic medication that has been used for pruritis. One of the side effects of the medication is peripheral neuropathy, which may be why it's been tried for this use.
Small studies have suggestd acupuncture may be effective in treating uremic itching in patients with chronic renal failure. Whether or not this may extend to patients at the end of life has not been studied.
See this link for more information on over-the-counter products for itching.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Ethical Issues at the End of Life
If you are a regular reader of my blog, then you likely know that I have a passion for ethical dilemmas. Perhaps you even participated in a debate on one of my Your Truth posts.
I was recently asked to give a lecture on Ethics at the End of Life. Although I am passionate about ethics, I'd never given a lecture on the subject before. Having recently graduated from my Master's program, I dutifully prepared Power Point slides on concepts such as autonomy and choice, advanced health care directives, medical futility, quality of life, double effect, the spectrum of hastening death, moral distress of nurses, and the four-box method.
I *love* to teach. And no matter what the subject is, I always maximize interactivity between myself and my audience. Personally, I learn best when I am awake and I have a suspicion this is true for others. ;-) Fortunately, ethics is a subject that easily lends itself towards a lively discussion.
I have been wading through my email inbox, now that I'm done with school. I apologize to those of you whose emails have been sitting unanswered. I'm doing my best to get through them now. During this sorting of emails, I came across a link to an on-line excerpt from William Colby's book, Unplugged, where he writes:
"When surveyed, the majority of us say that when our dying comes, we hope to be at home, free from pain, surrounded by loved ones, and not hooked up to machines. In the abstract, that's likely true. We also very much want to be hooked up to those machines right up to the very moment when the doctor is sure that those miraculous tools can't fix us. Trying to find that exact line is no easy business."
This thought seemed particularly relevant to my last blog post, as well as to the discussion / lecture I gave this past week.
In the 1970's, it was accepted practice that any and all interventions should and would be taken to prevent death no matter how extreme the intervention (Drought & Koenig, 2002 - no, I'm not old enough to be speaking from personal experience, so yes, I used a reference for this). But as technology has advanced, we have vast and ever-growing means of keeping people alive, even while their bodies are otherwise failing them. As a result, ethical considerations in making decisions about treatment have become increasingly complex. This was a point I stressed in my talk; William Colby speaks to this in his book as well. Although technology has advanced dramatically, we are still no better at predicting when death will come. In my post asking how you'd like to die, not one of you said that you wanted to die hooked up to machines in the ICU. Why or why not?
If given the choice - to be kept alive as long as possible, but then to die in the ICU connected to machines or to possibly die prematurely but die peacefully at home, which would you prefer?
I was recently asked to give a lecture on Ethics at the End of Life. Although I am passionate about ethics, I'd never given a lecture on the subject before. Having recently graduated from my Master's program, I dutifully prepared Power Point slides on concepts such as autonomy and choice, advanced health care directives, medical futility, quality of life, double effect, the spectrum of hastening death, moral distress of nurses, and the four-box method.
I *love* to teach. And no matter what the subject is, I always maximize interactivity between myself and my audience. Personally, I learn best when I am awake and I have a suspicion this is true for others. ;-) Fortunately, ethics is a subject that easily lends itself towards a lively discussion.
I have been wading through my email inbox, now that I'm done with school. I apologize to those of you whose emails have been sitting unanswered. I'm doing my best to get through them now. During this sorting of emails, I came across a link to an on-line excerpt from William Colby's book, Unplugged, where he writes:
"When surveyed, the majority of us say that when our dying comes, we hope to be at home, free from pain, surrounded by loved ones, and not hooked up to machines. In the abstract, that's likely true. We also very much want to be hooked up to those machines right up to the very moment when the doctor is sure that those miraculous tools can't fix us. Trying to find that exact line is no easy business."
This thought seemed particularly relevant to my last blog post, as well as to the discussion / lecture I gave this past week.
In the 1970's, it was accepted practice that any and all interventions should and would be taken to prevent death no matter how extreme the intervention (Drought & Koenig, 2002 - no, I'm not old enough to be speaking from personal experience, so yes, I used a reference for this). But as technology has advanced, we have vast and ever-growing means of keeping people alive, even while their bodies are otherwise failing them. As a result, ethical considerations in making decisions about treatment have become increasingly complex. This was a point I stressed in my talk; William Colby speaks to this in his book as well. Although technology has advanced dramatically, we are still no better at predicting when death will come. In my post asking how you'd like to die, not one of you said that you wanted to die hooked up to machines in the ICU. Why or why not?
If given the choice - to be kept alive as long as possible, but then to die in the ICU connected to machines or to possibly die prematurely but die peacefully at home, which would you prefer?
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Presence
Before I walk into a patient's room, I take a moment to gather myself. I take a few deep breaths and center myself. I am very conscious not to bring any stressful or hectic energy with me into a dying patient's room.
Today, as I was meditating, I felt that same shift. I felt myself coming to my center. And it occurred to me: I'd never practiced this same "presence" for *myself* before - I've only done it for my dying patients. What if I practice "presence" in all of my interactions? Okay, well, that may be an unrealistic goal, but how lovely would that be? Being present for myself this evening was incredibly powerful.
The power of presence has been discussed and written about in all kinds of disciplines - from Buddhist teachings to nursing research (unfortunately, I cannot put my hands on the nursing articles I have in mind).
So often, new nurses shy away from dying patients, citing, "But I don't know what to say!" Being present and bringing compassionate energy into the room is far more effective and valuable than any words.
I have decided to spend some time focusing on my spiritual practice. Since my divorce with S, I've felt rather off-center. First there was the major adjustment to living alone for the first time in my life (aside from one month back in 1995). Then I got involved in a whirlwind of a romance that crashed and burned as abruptly and as passionately as it shined. The sorrow over that second relationship ending within four months of my divorce gave me a new-founded shyness about relationships, which is perhaps just what I needed to step away from dating altogether to really spend some time alone with myself. I went on a few more dates to try to give it another shot, but recognized almost immediately that I was not fully present to the experience of the dates. I was frantically going through the motions of the dates to escape being present with my grief. So now, here I sit with myself. And the grief is far more tolerable than I had feared. Oh, the waves crash down on me pretty hard at times. But they pass and I am not running away from them all of the time. It's much less tiring to just sit still and feel.
So what does this new spiritual practice look like?
Well, it's not all about meditating. Today, after work I went on a bike ride in the park. The weather was lovely. Being surrounded by trees always feeds my spirit, as does writing on this blog. Surfing can be a spiritual experience for me as well - surrendering to the waves, the awe of the vastness of the ocean, my powerlessness.
Thank you all for listening / reading and thank you for coming back after my long bouts of silence. Now that I'm done with my Master's degree, I suspect I will be posting more often, once again.
Today, as I was meditating, I felt that same shift. I felt myself coming to my center. And it occurred to me: I'd never practiced this same "presence" for *myself* before - I've only done it for my dying patients. What if I practice "presence" in all of my interactions? Okay, well, that may be an unrealistic goal, but how lovely would that be? Being present for myself this evening was incredibly powerful.
The power of presence has been discussed and written about in all kinds of disciplines - from Buddhist teachings to nursing research (unfortunately, I cannot put my hands on the nursing articles I have in mind).
So often, new nurses shy away from dying patients, citing, "But I don't know what to say!" Being present and bringing compassionate energy into the room is far more effective and valuable than any words.
I have decided to spend some time focusing on my spiritual practice. Since my divorce with S, I've felt rather off-center. First there was the major adjustment to living alone for the first time in my life (aside from one month back in 1995). Then I got involved in a whirlwind of a romance that crashed and burned as abruptly and as passionately as it shined. The sorrow over that second relationship ending within four months of my divorce gave me a new-founded shyness about relationships, which is perhaps just what I needed to step away from dating altogether to really spend some time alone with myself. I went on a few more dates to try to give it another shot, but recognized almost immediately that I was not fully present to the experience of the dates. I was frantically going through the motions of the dates to escape being present with my grief. So now, here I sit with myself. And the grief is far more tolerable than I had feared. Oh, the waves crash down on me pretty hard at times. But they pass and I am not running away from them all of the time. It's much less tiring to just sit still and feel.
So what does this new spiritual practice look like?
Well, it's not all about meditating. Today, after work I went on a bike ride in the park. The weather was lovely. Being surrounded by trees always feeds my spirit, as does writing on this blog. Surfing can be a spiritual experience for me as well - surrendering to the waves, the awe of the vastness of the ocean, my powerlessness.
Thank you all for listening / reading and thank you for coming back after my long bouts of silence. Now that I'm done with my Master's degree, I suspect I will be posting more often, once again.
Monday, June 19, 2006
How Would You Like to Die?
This question was asked on Jocelyn Ryder's Question of the Week email survey. The following answers were provided by her readers. Feel free to provide your own answer in the comments section of this post. If you are interested in joining Jocelyn's Question of the Week email list, please contact her directly at orangegrl13 at earthlink dot net.
---
Without getting too deep -- after *finishing* a big bowl of premium mint chocolate ice cream -- at peace, close to nature, and ready for a nice surprise.
---
O.K.
---
i can say for sure how i would NOT like to die: in a car crash, a fire, by drowning, war, gunshot, stabbing, poison, (unless it was gentle, but not many are), or any other violent or otherwise painful death. ABOVE ALL, i would NOT like to die alone.
i think the way to go for me would be surrounded by loved ones, in a cabin, maybe, near a lake, a gentle cool breeze blowing through the window, rustling the flowers that are everywhere in the room, cat at the foot of the bed, dog nestled in my arm, my lover, my wife, by my side, holding my hand telling me she'll see me soon, that it's going to be alright, stroking my hair the way my mom used to do when i was a boy. and with the swell of love in my heart that would last the rest of her life, and a deep sleepy sigh of the dog, i'm gone.
i'd want to know too that after i go there would be a celebration, a party; and that all of our friends and family was there to say good bye in a really good way, to have fun with the life they still have, and love each other, if not for themselves, then at least for the day, to honor me.
i'd also like to be remembered. interesting. i get a pang of feeling like that would be asking too much for some reason. i don't really think it's asking too much.
---
I wouldn't like to die.
---
I would like to die peacefully. But only after achieving my goal of establishing my rescue/sanctuary so that it lives in perpetuity and to get laws established that would make animal cruelty a felony with a mandatory 10 years imprisonment and a mandatory $10,000 fine.
---
the thought of death is so scary to me that i have panic attacks about it; most recent thought and attack was yesterday
but if i must die, i would like to go in my sleep
---
peacefully while I'm dreaming. Hopefully after a life well-lived, and after I feel ready to go.
---
I would like to die in my sleep ... but would like to be very aware that I might "go" at any time and to have accepted that fate ... so I could still say my 'goodbyes.'
---
Unexpectedly.
---
When I was younger, I always wanted to die by getting hit by lightening. I thought it would be such a great, dramatic end to a drama-filled life. Then my ex's uncle got hit by lightening and became a vegetable and I changed my mind - what if the lightening didn't do the job and I, too, ended up a vegetable? That would just bite. Now I'd prefer a slower death - like cancer. Something with a relatively predictable course, so I'd have time to say goodbye to loved ones. Preferrably not too drawn out, as I've always hated lingering goodbyes. So maybe metastatic cancer or pancreatic cancer (if the pain was well-managed). In terms of the other end of the hows - I'd like to be surrounded by loved ones and comfortable (pain, nausea, anxiety all well-managed). Oh! And I'd like to get daily massages for at least the last week of my life.
---
In my sleep at the same time as my husband.
---
Sober, and without pain (prolonged or otherwise).
---
Peacefully in my sleep. No dramatic exits for me! The most important thing is that its painless. I'm not afraid of death, only pain.
---
so trippy that you are asking that right now...i have
started reading the tibetan book of living and dying
because of some deep inner sense that was telling me
that i really wanted to learn HOW to die...don't know
why exactly that desire to learn about dying came up
in me, just trusted it...i am learning that death is a
process, that we can prepare for death by learning how
to live...learning how to live in our deep essential,
eternal self....through meditation, through remaining
calm through all the manifestations of mind....through
what the author calls 'calm abiding'...love that
term....calm abiding....not easy....such a worthwhile,
beautiful practice....so, i would like to die
calmly...really rooted in the light, in the truth of
who i am...deeply connected to my god self...i would
like to be very old and very content with what i have
done with my time on earth....i would like to be lying
in my warm, cozy bed in my home surrounded by family,
partner, children, grandchildren, animals....looking
out over the calm lake and beautiful lush green trees
and mountains that have nourished me so deeply...i
would like to breathe in, breathe out, breathe in,
breathe out, gently, with so much love and so much
gratitude and peace...transition softly, gracefully,
peacefully...that is what i would like....
---
In my sleep!
---
Not sure. I just don't want to be alone.
---
without regrets
---
Quietly (but not in my sleep – I want to know when I’m dying) at a very old age. Maybe I hear my great grandchildren running around downstairs. Maybe it’s very quiet, either way (selfishly) I want my partner by my side, holding my hand... Of course that means I won’t be there for him and that makes me sad... However I go I want to be satisfied. I don’t want to taint the experience with regrets...
---
something i never think about.
how i don't want to die: as the result of a street crime.
---
With as little pain and as much of my faculties as possible after a long life.
In my sleep and old is the answer I think.
---
i will
but
I won't
---
I would like to die admired, well respected, and in my sleep.
---
After a long life. With people I care about at my
side. Having done most of the things I want to try
while on this planet. Having loved much. Having made
soome kind of a difference. Having seen my kids
enjoying their lives and hopefully my grandkids too.
The thought of being seperated from my kids is very,
very hard-this is the hardest thing to accept about
death-that I can't be with them once I fly out of this
body. But more than anything, I want them to outlive
me.
---
"Settin' " on the front porch in my rocking chair, holding hands with my elderly husband, and just nodding off.
---
In my sleep, after going to a party where I saw
everyone I loved.
---
Fly off in a little prop plane, two or three of us, and disappear--never be heard from again; no wreckage, or any other trace. Amelia Earhart style. Of course, this scenario also includes me being known by more people than just family and friends. I'd love to contribute to celebrity mystery deaths, like Rudolph Diesel going missing on a cruise across the English Channel, or Mallory vanishing on the slopes of Mt. Everest in the '20s. (They found him about two years ago--spoils the whole saga.)
That's just the PR aspect of dying, though--how I'd like it to look to the outside world. As far as what it would be like here inside my body...I guess I'll take the sudden heart attack. I'm out walking one fine day, and I slump over, and that's it. It might be nice to have time to say long good-byes to friends, but that means lying in a hospital bed with morphine racing through my veins. Not too wild about that.
---
And Jocelyn's answer...
Successfully defending a woman from being raped or attacked on the street. Preventing a child from being hurt or molested.
Or: laughing.
---
Without getting too deep -- after *finishing* a big bowl of premium mint chocolate ice cream -- at peace, close to nature, and ready for a nice surprise.
---
O.K.
---
i can say for sure how i would NOT like to die: in a car crash, a fire, by drowning, war, gunshot, stabbing, poison, (unless it was gentle, but not many are), or any other violent or otherwise painful death. ABOVE ALL, i would NOT like to die alone.
i think the way to go for me would be surrounded by loved ones, in a cabin, maybe, near a lake, a gentle cool breeze blowing through the window, rustling the flowers that are everywhere in the room, cat at the foot of the bed, dog nestled in my arm, my lover, my wife, by my side, holding my hand telling me she'll see me soon, that it's going to be alright, stroking my hair the way my mom used to do when i was a boy. and with the swell of love in my heart that would last the rest of her life, and a deep sleepy sigh of the dog, i'm gone.
i'd want to know too that after i go there would be a celebration, a party; and that all of our friends and family was there to say good bye in a really good way, to have fun with the life they still have, and love each other, if not for themselves, then at least for the day, to honor me.
i'd also like to be remembered. interesting. i get a pang of feeling like that would be asking too much for some reason. i don't really think it's asking too much.
---
I wouldn't like to die.
---
I would like to die peacefully. But only after achieving my goal of establishing my rescue/sanctuary so that it lives in perpetuity and to get laws established that would make animal cruelty a felony with a mandatory 10 years imprisonment and a mandatory $10,000 fine.
---
the thought of death is so scary to me that i have panic attacks about it; most recent thought and attack was yesterday
but if i must die, i would like to go in my sleep
---
peacefully while I'm dreaming. Hopefully after a life well-lived, and after I feel ready to go.
---
I would like to die in my sleep ... but would like to be very aware that I might "go" at any time and to have accepted that fate ... so I could still say my 'goodbyes.'
---
Unexpectedly.
---
When I was younger, I always wanted to die by getting hit by lightening. I thought it would be such a great, dramatic end to a drama-filled life. Then my ex's uncle got hit by lightening and became a vegetable and I changed my mind - what if the lightening didn't do the job and I, too, ended up a vegetable? That would just bite. Now I'd prefer a slower death - like cancer. Something with a relatively predictable course, so I'd have time to say goodbye to loved ones. Preferrably not too drawn out, as I've always hated lingering goodbyes. So maybe metastatic cancer or pancreatic cancer (if the pain was well-managed). In terms of the other end of the hows - I'd like to be surrounded by loved ones and comfortable (pain, nausea, anxiety all well-managed). Oh! And I'd like to get daily massages for at least the last week of my life.
---
In my sleep at the same time as my husband.
---
Sober, and without pain (prolonged or otherwise).
---
Peacefully in my sleep. No dramatic exits for me! The most important thing is that its painless. I'm not afraid of death, only pain.
---
so trippy that you are asking that right now...i have
started reading the tibetan book of living and dying
because of some deep inner sense that was telling me
that i really wanted to learn HOW to die...don't know
why exactly that desire to learn about dying came up
in me, just trusted it...i am learning that death is a
process, that we can prepare for death by learning how
to live...learning how to live in our deep essential,
eternal self....through meditation, through remaining
calm through all the manifestations of mind....through
what the author calls 'calm abiding'...love that
term....calm abiding....not easy....such a worthwhile,
beautiful practice....so, i would like to die
calmly...really rooted in the light, in the truth of
who i am...deeply connected to my god self...i would
like to be very old and very content with what i have
done with my time on earth....i would like to be lying
in my warm, cozy bed in my home surrounded by family,
partner, children, grandchildren, animals....looking
out over the calm lake and beautiful lush green trees
and mountains that have nourished me so deeply...i
would like to breathe in, breathe out, breathe in,
breathe out, gently, with so much love and so much
gratitude and peace...transition softly, gracefully,
peacefully...that is what i would like....
---
In my sleep!
---
Not sure. I just don't want to be alone.
---
without regrets
---
Quietly (but not in my sleep – I want to know when I’m dying) at a very old age. Maybe I hear my great grandchildren running around downstairs. Maybe it’s very quiet, either way (selfishly) I want my partner by my side, holding my hand... Of course that means I won’t be there for him and that makes me sad... However I go I want to be satisfied. I don’t want to taint the experience with regrets...
---
something i never think about.
how i don't want to die: as the result of a street crime.
---
With as little pain and as much of my faculties as possible after a long life.
In my sleep and old is the answer I think.
---
i will
but
I won't
---
I would like to die admired, well respected, and in my sleep.
---
After a long life. With people I care about at my
side. Having done most of the things I want to try
while on this planet. Having loved much. Having made
soome kind of a difference. Having seen my kids
enjoying their lives and hopefully my grandkids too.
The thought of being seperated from my kids is very,
very hard-this is the hardest thing to accept about
death-that I can't be with them once I fly out of this
body. But more than anything, I want them to outlive
me.
---
"Settin' " on the front porch in my rocking chair, holding hands with my elderly husband, and just nodding off.
---
In my sleep, after going to a party where I saw
everyone I loved.
---
Fly off in a little prop plane, two or three of us, and disappear--never be heard from again; no wreckage, or any other trace. Amelia Earhart style. Of course, this scenario also includes me being known by more people than just family and friends. I'd love to contribute to celebrity mystery deaths, like Rudolph Diesel going missing on a cruise across the English Channel, or Mallory vanishing on the slopes of Mt. Everest in the '20s. (They found him about two years ago--spoils the whole saga.)
That's just the PR aspect of dying, though--how I'd like it to look to the outside world. As far as what it would be like here inside my body...I guess I'll take the sudden heart attack. I'm out walking one fine day, and I slump over, and that's it. It might be nice to have time to say long good-byes to friends, but that means lying in a hospital bed with morphine racing through my veins. Not too wild about that.
---
And Jocelyn's answer...
Successfully defending a woman from being raped or attacked on the street. Preventing a child from being hurt or molested.
Or: laughing.
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